According to the statistics of various California Caregiver Resource Centers, 60% of caregivers show signs of clinical depression. I’m sure this is similar throughout the country. Even after the caregiving ends, for many people, the depression lingers.


My sister Josie and I are no strangers to this. Even though we are now considered “indirect” caregivers to our parents (because we have a live-in caregiver), we still have our own issues dealing with their plight. I honestly think that if we did not have each other to deal with this situation, there is no way we could handle their situation without some emotional or physical consequence from it.

Heavy Burden

Caregiving is something no one can truly understand unless they have been there themselves. It is in some ways, harder than raising children. Granted, I am a fairly new mother, but when you are dealing with adults who are dependent on you, it is an entirely different situation. Adults are already “set” in their ways, they can be more fragile physically and meeting their emotional needs is not the same as calming your children down.

When you have two as opposed to one parent who may have physical needs, this already difficult task, is compounded twice with you having to satisfy two very different needs. This is our case. However, even caring for your spouse or one parent can be just as challenging. You go through feelings of guilt, anger, resentment, sadness, and confusion. We go through at least one of those emotions everyday.

Signs of Depression

• Changes in eating habits
• Sleep affected
• Feeling tired
• Lose interest in things/people that once brought pleasure
• Easily agitated or angered
• Chronic Pain, or conditions that headache that won’t go away.
• Thoughts of death or suicide

These are just some of the conditions that could lead to a diagnosis of depression. All of us may have had these thoughts one time or another so it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are depressed. However, if you are depressed,you don’t just “snap” out of it either. Eventually, you start to feel better if you are able to find a method that works for you, whether that be medication or therapy of some form.

Treatment and Coping

I had concerns about depression in the past and told my doctor about my stress before. This was around the time before I had my daughter and my mom was newly diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. She felt I had strong enough symptoms to prescribe me Paxil at one point. However, despite her concerns, I felt that this was something I could handle with other alternatives. I never did get the medication partly because, I think that too many people nowadays choose to become “pill poppers” instead of problem-solvers. Granted,I do think if it is so severe that it can’t be handled by other means , then a person should be medicated. But for me, I think it would’ve made things worse so I chose other alternatives and consulted with my family and husband.

Here are some methods you can consider to help you deal with caregiving stress:

• Respite Care – This can come in the form of state assistance or out-of-pocket. You can even consider volunteers(family, church members, etc.)This can make a huge difference even if it is only for a short-time, it gives you a breather.
• Adult Daycare: See my article on Community Options For Caregivers for this alternative and others for your parents.
• Caregiver Support Groups: You can check the local senior center, or your local senior advocacy group for dates and times. Also, sometimes you may find announcements in your local paper or smaller publications.
• Church and other support systems: We all have our havens,maybe yours is with your local church. Sometimes you meet people who share the same experience as you, or people who know of others who are. It’s a great way not only to network, but to help you get out.

Of course, there are a ton of other things you can do, even taking a stroll at the park is enough to help ease your anxiety or tension. The point is, take time out for yourself, even if it seems impossible.

Sometimes I do get sad and anxious. In fact, today, I had a breakdown. Reality struck me that my mom has changed, and that things eventually will get worse. There are times, especially at night when I go to bed, where I feel an onset of anxiety. I fear getting a call in the middle of the night about my parents,other times I fear something bad happening to my husband and daughter, or even myself.

How do I deal with it? I look to my Christian faith (even though I’m not an avid church goer), and I try to remain optimistic. My sister and I take turns “venting” to each other. So, in that regard, that is our own form of therapy. We also laugh constantly, and sometimes, for no reason at all. We are quite the characters! We also surround ourselves with positive influences. These influences include: spending time at the beach, being around happy people, reading inspirational books and poems, watching funny movies and just try to make the best of a difficult situation.

Of course, we do have our times when we feel like giving up. I think that’s normal for anyone to feel. How about you? What have been some of your challenges? Do you feel depressed?
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