Sometimes I think I have everything under control. I think that I’m a good multi-tasker. I think I’ve been doing well, but occasionally I start to feel the sky fall in, so to speak. Today was one of those days. My sister was gone for about a week on vacation and so I was in charge of everything including her mother-in-law. Right now, our other sister is helping with that but I’m the only one that drives besides Josie. So, I had to do the grocery shopping last Friday which took me 4 hours to do.  I had to shop for my parents as well. I also had my standard errands to do as well as check in with our caregivers.

I’ve found myself even behind on keeping up with this blog and some of our other projects that I started to feel very upset and overwhelmed. Of course, once I talked to her on the phone I just about had a nervous breakdown.  See–I’m very much feeling like you do! It sounds like I have everything under control, but just like you I have my moments.

Whether you’re a caregiver directly or indirectly, the stress is real. I feel guilty for being resentful sometimes. But at the same time, it’s not fair that I don’t have the time that needs to be spent more on my own family and my own needs. I too question whether I’m right to feel that way. And I suppose I do have that right.

But what can I do? I just have to keep working on our business and hope that one day soon  we will be rewarded (or the healthcare plan includes options for Medicare to expand to home care)  for our efforts and we can hire more help. I almost feel like I need to hire a personal assistant! But seriously, sometimes having help feels like things are more complicated than if I just did it myself. You have to entrust your parents’ lives and care under someone. You have to make sure everyone is happy and if they aren’t — problems compound and BAM you’re feeling the brunt of it.

Besides the many errands I had to do over the weekend, I had to hear about the problems occurring at my parents’ rented house. Now the garbage disposal isn’t working, there’s a faucet leak, the toilet handle is broken and I had to reset the fuse box because the kitchen electricity was off! See what I mean? I also had to buy some food for my house, drop off and pick up my daughter from pre-school, and help my husband figure out some legal stuff with work. ARGH!  My only release today was briefly working out at the gym today–which I had to cut short because I hadn’t eaten anything, so I was shaking….oh–and Monday Night Football!

And they say women can handle stress better……

In a perfect world, every thing would always go smoothly. Everything you set forth in motion would follow through as planned. But this is reality and when you’re dealing with eldercare….nothing is set in stone.

Since my sister has had the added responsibility of caring for her mother-in-law, I’ve taken over our parents’ affairs more heavily. While things have been fairly smooth over the past couple of months there have been some bumps along the way, especially the last couple of weeks. From finding the oxygen levels changed to seeing redness on my mom’s face…….we’ve been scrutinizing our home help more closely. There seems to be tension between them that I’ve tried to quelch with a meeting last month. However, I don’t know if my words have fallen on deaf ears or things are just not working out.

Rather than get into the really personal details of our story, I have to say that unless you yourself are overseeing your parents. (Which we already did for 3 years)…..having outside help in the form of volunteers, paid help or agencies aren’t going to guarantee you 100% peace of mind. You go into it, hoping for the best but expecting the worse….and so far, I’m not happy with the way things are going lately. I’ve had to make an appointment with ADT security so that I can monitor things via camera. I know this is something we should have done any way. If you are thinking of hiring in-home help or having people come in to help you out…regardless if it’s family or strangers, a camera is a good thing…..

It’s not that I suspect abuse….but I’m getting tired of the finger pointing…….our #1 goal is our parents’ safety and health…and whether it’s intentional or neglect, I have to make sure by seeing things for myself….and not just with that…but making sure that there is peace in the house…which means seeing that there is no conflict in any form. I already visit my parents 2-3 times a week but obviously not there for 24 hours. So , I cannot see all that is going on.   Unfortunately, my patience is running thin…I don’t want to make any drastic choices but may have to if things don’t change and continue on the path that they’ve been on….but for sure 2010 is not going to repeat our problems of 2009. Raising a 3 year old as a full-time parent and home based business owner is difficult enough to deal with “drama”. So I will leave it at that.