I’m probably going to rattle some feathers. I might even make my brothers angry. But it’s ok, because this issue needs to be addressed. Here are the facts: According to the Family Caregiver Alliance in 2003, 75% of caregivers for older family members or friends are female. 63% of caregivers for children, are female. Historically and culturally, females have been looked upon as the sole providers of care , not only for children but for their own parents, as well. And for some, their spouses. This is the case for my family. My sisters and I are the only ones providing most of the care for our parents. Not to shed a bad light on my brothers, but we shoulder the responsibility for the majority of their care: health, financial, emotional, etc. To be fair, one of my brothers lives several hours away, so he can only help out financially when needed. I’m sure that if he lived closer, he would take a more active role. Our other brother is in the military, so he is doing what he can. He doesn’t understand the full magnitude of what is happening with our parents, especially our mom. Neither of them is fully educated on Alzheimer’s and its effects. Unfortunately, our oldest brother doesn’t communicate with us but maybe once a year. Yes, this is a personal issue of ours that I’m throwing out there. However, caregiving is a personal issue. Many families struggle with who bares the responsibilities when their parents get sick. Yet, automatically, it’s assumed that the females of the family should take over. Am I resentful, angry, bitter? Yes. Do I have a right to be? Yes. I’ll explain my reasons 
below. While there are a small percentage of men who shoulder this responsibility, the majority are women. Is this fair? I don’t think so. Times have changed. Many women are in the workforce, balancing the demands of family and career. It’s only fair that more men take an active role in the caregiving of not only their own children, but their parents as well.
With Children
It seems that more headway has been made when it comes to sharing the responsibilities of child-rearing. More men are stay-at-home dads. More men are sharing half of the responsibility of raising the children with the help of outside day care. Yet with eldercare, women are still the main caregivers to older people.
Financial Costs
Caregiving is expensive for children and seniors. What causes more financial strain however, is senior care. Factors such as: prescription care costs, medical supplies, healthcare, home safety equipment, outside caregiving, including daily living costs are putting many women in financial turmoil. This increases for women who are single. There are also differences in the way the burden is shouldered by both genders. Men tend to delay retirement in order to provide more financial care, whereas women tend to focus on staying home with the loved one, taking on not only the financial responsibilities, but also the emotional support structure that seniors need. This was true in the case of my Godmother, who worked full-time while she shared the caregiving duties of caring for her terminally ill mother. Women also don’t stay in the workforce as long, or if they do decide to come back after caregiving, they do not go full-time or take lower paying positions.
Health Consequences
Women are suffering from higher rates of stress,depression, anxiety, and long term physical ailments including: coronary heart disease.
Gender Roles and Tradition
There are fundamental differences in the way men and women approach caregiving in general. We live in a society where traditional roles still dominate our culture. Men are still expected to be the breadwinners, women are supposed to be the caregivers. Unfortunately, not to start a gender war here, but traditional males only see a solution as black or white not the gray area where so many of the issues lie. It’s not just about the money, it’s about providing a peaceful environment, making sure emotional and physical needs are met. Will this change? I don’t know. I certainly hope so. As the population ages, so are the problems that will mount for both men and women who are faced with the caregiving burden that will fall on their shoulders in the coming years. This is something women can’t do on their own or should do on their own. It’s about time that more men stepped up to the plate! What do you think?
