“Needing Elder Care When Family is Missing.”~ A touching video and news story today via KPBS

KPBS has provided a touching video and a great news segment today on seniors “Needing Elder Care When Family is Missing.”

The sad reality is that there are many seniors who live alone and live below poverty level with no one to care for them. They have no spouse nor children who they can rely on for support in times of need or illness such as going to the doctor or providing for grocery needs.

There is a support group and a facility in San Diego called, “The Wellness Center,” which provides  this sense of community and support for the elder care.  As the baby boomers approach their retirement and senior age, the need for such a facility is becoming more apparent.  Aging alone is becoming a social trend as seniors who have no spouse nor children find the need of this kind of support group.  The creation of the  “Wellness Center” in San Diego is a great example of a senior network that provides this extended family atmosphere for many seniors and elderly living alone…

I hope, like many who are caring for their elderly parents, that such a public policy and more of this charitable organizations will come into fruition for the aging baby boomers in the immediate future…

*****Video courtesy via KPBS, San Diego*****

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Save Money for Elder Care! 5 Tips to Put an End to Family Mooching

no senior care lendingAs the elder (and financially stable) member of your family, you may get a lot of requests for money.  After all, your home is paid off, your kids are grown, you have fewer living expenses, and even though you’re on a fixed income, it’s not like you really need the money, right?  At least, that seems to be the mentality of your kids, grandkids, and possibly even great-grandkids.  While you’re happy to help your family when you can, you’re starting to feel like an ATM!  Besides that, the fact that you’ve paid your dues and entered retirement means that you now have the leisure time and savings needed to start the business you’ve always dreamed of or begin crossing international cities off your bucket list.  But how can you say no when your family members come looking for a handout?  Here are a few tips to stop the mooching so you can once again look forward to seeing your family.

  1. Adopt a “no loan” policy.  If you say no to one family member, you really have to say no to all of them (in order to avoid the jealousies that spring up from favoritism).  In order to avoid rifts with family members over lending to some but not to others you simply have to adopt a no-loan policy that allows you to treat everyone the same.  This will ensure that no feelings get hurt and that you’re not constantly bombarded with requests for money.
  2. Give a one-time gift.  If you feel that you do have plenty of cash on hand to loan out but you don’t want to set a precedent that makes your family think you have an open-door policy where lending is concerned, then offer a one-time gift.  This way you don’t have to worry about whether or not your loved one will pay you back and you can quickly and firmly close the door on future monetary requests.
  3. If you can’t afford it, say so.  You have your own expenses and future to worry about, with no real chance for income down the road.  You need to consider that each time someone asks you for money.  By making your position clear to family members who ask for handouts you can hopefully keep your relationships intact and ensure that your family is aware of your financial standing.
  4. Be honest.  Saying no to the ones you love can be difficult and you might be tempted to tell a little white lie in order to make yourself feel better about letting them down.  But people often see through these deceptions and then they end up feeling bad, which you obviously don’t want.  Honesty is always the best policy and you’ll find that simply telling family members up-front that you’re starting to feel used will probably result in an end to the many requests for money.
  5. Make relationships the priority.  Lending money can be a recipe for disaster where personal relationships are concerned.  Simply let family members know that you are available to listen to their problems and offer advice and moral support, but that preserving the relationship means keeping money out of the equation.

About the Author: Elizabeth Retton writes for Senior Living Atlanta where you can find assisted living in Alpharetta.

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More Tips for Finding Assisted Living Communities

In a previous blog post, I discussed some of the early steps you can use to start creating a list of potential assisted living communities for your loved one.

Here are some more tips for finding potential communities and narrowing down the list to the right facility that your loved one can call home.

A recommendation from a friend or other reliable source about a community can go a long way in this early screening process. Don’t hesitate to ask around. After all, you’re about to begin a long and detailed journey – one that ultimately affects the happiness and general well-being of your loved one. It’s best to tap every resource you can!

As you begin to tour communities, your head will be racing with questions, reactions and things you notice from one community to the next. I recommend you buy a spiral notebook, writing questions and comments before and after you tour each community.

Deciding on the Right Assisted Living Community

After you tour a few communities, you’ll find the details blend together and your memories cease to different each tour. Some will eliminate themselves quickly. Some will make the final cut. In the end, you’ll need to rely on initial impressions and your notes to make that all-important decision on the community best for you and your family. Choosing the right assisted living community is a challenging task. Whether you are searching for yourself, a family member or a friend, you’ll want to make sure that the assisted living community is able to meet the physical and safety needs of the prospective resident.

At the time of her stroke, mom lived in North County San Diego – about 50 miles from me in Orange County. For almost 6 months after her original discharge, she went back and forth between skilled nursing and the hospital. At the time, it seemed like a good idea to keep her close to friends who could come and visit her while I was as at work. I was down to visit 4-5 times a week, mostly after what was a 50-60 hour work week.

Choosing the location of an assisted living community will likely be the most important decision you make. For anyone, a move away from familiar surroundings can be stressful experience. Combine that with the emotional drain of accepting assisted living, and it’s easy to imaging the challenge your loved one is facing. You’ll likely be leaned upon frequently during this difficult adjustment period.

Here are a few things to consider as you choose the location of the community:

Make the commute easy. During the first weeks and months of assisted living, you will likely be the closest friend and confident for your loved one. If at all possible, choose a location that is close to your home and/or other family members that can regularly visit without negatively impacting their own responsibilities. Your loved one will look forward to your visits – even count on them. Make sure you are close enough to stop for a quick visit – even if it’s a short one.

Don’t ignore the “nice” neighborhoods. It would seem that nicer neighborhoods would charge a premium. While it may be the case in some places, don’t take this for granted. I called or visited almost every place in a 15 mile radius of my house and all were about the same price. On a whim, I called a beautiful community near the beach – complete with ocean view – and it turned out to be the exact same price as communities in some of the less desirable neighborhoods in the county. Don’t let your lack of a phone call cause you to miss a great opportunity.

Match town size and options. Your loved one likely came from an independent environment where they could come and go as they please. Whether it was shopping at the mall, dining out or playing cards at the Senior Center, they had options. Make sure you locate them in an area that has a similar set of options to the area they came from. The transition will be less of a contrast and it will be easier to get them back into the swing of things.

Always remember what Andrea Arambula told me: “people rise to the challenge.” Because of our situation, I was faced with the need to make a quick decision: should I put my mother in a skilled nursing community or assisted living? In skilled nursing, she’d be by far the most advanced of any of the patients, though she still needed a lot of physical therapy. In assisted living, she’d be the least mobile, but would be on par socially with far more residents. With some encouragement from the admissions director, my mom and I chose the latter. She’s a fighter, and neither of us has ever regretted the decision. She certainly rose to the occasion.

Photo Credit: stevendepolo

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