People Rise to the Challenge

I want to share a story that serves as an important lesson that many of us already know, but we’d likely forget under the stress of caring for a loved one. The story starts with a single sentence that forever changed my mom’s life: “People rise to the challenge.”

This isn’t my quote. To be fair, I heard these words for the first time after visiting many, many skilled nursing facilities. The source of the quote was a woman by the name of Andrea Arambula, and she was the admissions director at Belmont Village (formerly Crown Cove). It is to Andrea that I owe an enormous debt of gratitude. Andrea, if you are reading this, thank you!!!

Rewind back to December 2005. My mom had been in skilled nursing for more than five months. As dicussed in the previous blog post, skilled nursing is a mix between a hospital and an apartment. Patients usually share a room, and nearly all require treatments from a registered nurse. While my mom was there, one of her roommates passed away and several others were taken to the hospital. They did not return. While some are in skilled nursing for a short stay, many have declined to the point where it is required.

After driving 120 miles round trip, 4-5 times a week, usually after a full day at work, I decided to move my mom closer to me. I asked the head nurse for a care recommendation. She recommended skilled nursing.

She went so far as to tell me that my mom would likely be permanently bedridden, and that I should explore hospice. At the time, I was 34 years old and knew no better than to take her advice at face value. I started looking for skilled nursing facilities closer to my home in Orange County.

By chance, I called one assisted living facility and a woman answered the phone. It was Andrea.
She convinced me that my mom had no medical necessity for skilled nursing. Sure, she had problems walking, but that was a physical therapy issue. She told me something repeatedly, and I’ll always remember the words. People rise to the challenge. You just have to let them.

So I reviewed my mom’s medical records with her doctor, the assisted living community, the physical therapist and Andrea. It was a go! My mom was going to need a lot of help, but I was convinced that she would rise to the challenge.

I’ll always remember the ride there. Since my mom needed to be lifted (yes, lifted) into a wheelchair, driving my car was not an option. So I rented a shuttle, and my mom and I rode a little over an hour in the back of a wheelchair- accessible Super Shuttle (yes, the ones you take to the airport).

She was scared. I was scared. But in my heart I knew she could do it. When she first entered assisted living, she couldn’t walk. In fact, she couldn’t roll herself out of bed. She needed two people to literally pick her up and put her in a chair.

Within a year, she could walk the hallways with a walker, walk to dinner, come over to my house for BBQs, get in and out of a car, and resume some normalcy in her life. In fact, she even got featured in her physical therapist’s brochure. I guess she’s a testimonial for hard work and good physical therapy.

Each time my mother passed a new milestone, I thought of the skilled nursing recommendation and urging to explore hospice. And each time I smiled about the progress my mom made.

Why the long story? The details of the story are important. It’s human nature to fight, struggle and be determined. And regardless of your age, most people respond to the challenges they face. In the case of my mom, it was walking. In the case of your loved one, it may be something else.

So while I learned from Andrea that people rise to the occasion. I learned from mom that you have to let them.

So trust in your loved one. Trust in yourself. And I know you’ll find that you can both rise to the occasion. Perhaps – and most likely — there will be tears along the way, but there will be many wonderful moments of warmth and laughter, too.

Photo Credit: Vick the Viking

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~HANDLING TROUBLING BEHAVIOR OF A LOVED ONE WITH DEMENTIA~

~HANDLING TROUBLING BEHAVIOR OF A LOVED ONE WITH DEMENTIA/ ALZHEIMER’S~

Mom watching TV

 

 

Some of the greatest challenges of caring for a loved one with dementia are the personality and behavior changes that often occur.  You can best meet these challenges by using creativity, flexibility, patience and compassion.  It also helps not to take things personally and maintain your sense of humor.  To start, consider these ground rules:

 

*We cannot change the person

The person you are caring for has a brain disorder that shapes who he/she has become.  When you try to control or change his/her behavior, you’ll most likely be unsuccessful or be met with resistance.  It’s important to:

 

- Try to accommodate the behavior, not control the behavior.  For example, if the person insists on sleeping on the floor, place a mattress on the floor to make him more comfortable.

 

- Remember that we can change our behavior or the physical environment.  Changing our own behavior will often result in a change in our loved one’s behavior.

 

*Check with the doctor first.

Behavioral problems may have an underlying medical reason:  perhaps the person is in pain or experiencing an adverse side effect from medications.  In some cases,  like incontinence or hallucinations,  there maybe some medication or treatment that can assist in managing the problem.

 

*Behavior has a purpose.

People with dementia typically cannot tell us what they want or need.  They might do something, like take all the clothes out of the closet on a daily basis, and we wonder why.  It is very likely that the person is fulfilling a need to be busy and productive.  Always consider what need the person might be trying to meet with their behavior—and, when possible, try to accommodate them.

 

*Behavior is triggered.

It is important to understand that all behavior is triggered—it doesn’t occur out of the blue.  It might be something a person did or said that triggered a behavior or it could be a change in the physical environment.  The root to changing the behavior is disrupting the patterns that we create.  Try a different approach, or try a different consequence.

 

*What works today, may not tomorrow.

The multiple factors that influence troubling behaviors and the natural progression os the disease process means that the solutions that are effective today may need to be modified tomorrow.—or may no longer work at all.  The key to managing difficult behaviors is being creative and flexible in your strategies to address a given issue.

 

*Get support from others.

You are not alone.—There are many others caring for someone with dementia.  Call your local area agency on Aging, the local chapter of the Alzhemer’s Association, a Caregiver Resource Center or one of the groups listed in Alzheimer’s/Dementia Support Group in your local area. Be resourceful—use google for additional research and resources to find support groups, organizations and services that can help you.

Expect that like the loved one you are caring for, you will have good days and bad days.  Develop strategies for coping with the bad days.

 

* The following is an overview of the most common dementia-associated behaviors with suggestions that maybe useful in handling them.

 

WANDERING

 

People with dementia walk, seemingly aimlessly, for a variety of reasons, such as boredom, medications side effects or to look for “something” or someone.  They also may be trying to fulfill a physical need—thirst, hunger, a need to use the toilet or exercise.  Discovering the triggers for wandering are not always easy, but they can provide insights to dealing with the behavior.

 

-Make time for regular exercise to minimize restlessness.

 

-Consider installing new locks that require a key.  Position locks high or low on the door; many people with dementia will not think to look beyond eye level.  Keep in mind fire and safety concerns for all family members; the lock(s) must be accessible to others and not take more than a few seconds to open.

 

-Try a barrier like a curtain or colored streamer to mask the door.  A “Stop” sign or “Do Not Enter” sign also may help.

 

-Place a black mat or paint a black space on your front porch; this may appear to be an impassable hole to the person with dementia.

 

-Add “child-safe” plastic covers to doorknobs.

 

-Consider installing a home security system or monitoring system designed to keep watch over someone with dementia.  Also available are new digital devices that can be worn like a watch or clipped on a belt that use global positioning systems (GPS) or other technology to track a person’s whereabouts or locate him if he wanders off.

 

-Put away essential items such as the confused person’s coat, purse, or glasses.

Some individuals will not go out without certain articles.

 

-Have your relative wear an ID bracelet and sew ID labels in their clothes.  Always have a current photo available should you need to report your loved one missing.  Consider leaving a copy on file at the police department or registering the person with the Alzheimer’s Association Safe Return Program. (See Resources available in your area)

 

-Tell neighbors about your relative’s wandering behavior and make sure they have your phone number.

 

INCONTINENCE

 

The loss of bladder or bowel control often occurs as dementia progresses.  Sometimes accidents result from environmental factors; for example, someone can’t remember where the bathroom is located or can’t get to it in time.  If an accident occurs, your understanding, patience and reassurance will help the person maintain dignity and minimize embarrassment.

-Establish a routine for using the toilet.  Try reminding the person or assisting her to the bathroom every two hours.

 

-Schedule fluid intake to ensure the confused person does not become dehydrated.  However,  avoid drinks with a diuretic effect like coffee, tea, cola, or beer.  Limit fluid intake in the evening before bedtime.

 

-Use signs (with illustrations) to indicate which door leads to the bathroom.

 

-A commode, obtained at any medical supply store, can be left in the bedroom at night for easy access.

 

-Incontinence pads and products can be purchased at the pharmacy or supermarket.  A urologist may be able to prescribe a special product or treatment.

 

-Use easy-to-remove clothing with elastic waistbands or Velcro closures, and provide clothes that are easily washable.

 

AGITATION

 

Agitation refers to a range of behaviors associated with dementia, including irritability, sleeplessness, and verbal or physical aggression.  Often these types of behavior problems progress with the stages of dementia, from mild to more severe.  Agitation may be triggered by a variety of things, including environmental factors, fear and fatigue.  Most often, agitation is triggered when the person experiences “control” being taken from him/her.

 

-Reduce caffeine intake, sugar and junk food.

-Reduce noise, clutter or the number of persons in the room.

-Maintain structure by keeping the same routines.  Keep household objects and furniture in the same places.  Familiar objects and photographs offer a sense of security and can suggest pleasant memories.

-Try gentle touch, soothing music, reading or walks to quell agitation.

Speak in a reassuring voice.  Do not try to restrain the person during a period of agitation.

-Keep dangerous objects out of reach.

-Allow the person to do as much for him/herself as possible—support his/her independence and ability to care for himself/herself.

-Acknowledge the confused person’s anger over the loss of control in his/her life.  Tell him/her you understand his/her frustration.

-Distract the person with a snack or an activity.  Allow him to forget the troubling incident.  Confronting a confused person may increase anxiety.

 

Once again, the key to handling these challenges is by using your own creativity, flexibility, and above all, your patience, understanding, and compassion— your compassionate and loving heart  will always be the answer to handing the challenges you face in handling the troubled behavior of your loved ones affected with dementia.

 

In my next article, we will discuss the causes and suggestions to handling the “Repetitive Speech or Actions”; “Paranoia” and “Sleeplessness/Sundowning” of a loved one with Dementia / Alzheimer’s.

 

 

Resource:  (Southern Caregiver Resource Center @San Diego)

 

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Sensors, other Caregiver options

Columbia, South Carolina (CNN) — The sensors know when Charlton Hall Jr. wakes up to go to the bathroom. They know how much time he spends in bed. They watch him do jigsaw puzzles in the den. They tattle when he opens the refrigerator.

Sound like a Big Brother nightmare?

Not for Hall. The 74-year-old finds comfort in monitored living.

“It’s a wonderful system for helping older people to stay independent as long as possible,” he said, sitting in the living room of his 7,500-square-foot house, a sensor watching him from an elaborate bookshelf. “They know where I am — all the time.”

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