by Rose Broyles

Aging Care recently posted an article about how to approach communicating with a parent who no longer can speak. I thought about my own mom and how it  saddens me that she can’t speak much anymore. My mom used to be a social butterfly. Talking to other people was always easy for her. She could easily strike up a conversation with anyone at the grocery store.

Now, I’ll be lucky if I could get a few words out of her. It’s distressing, not only for me, but I’m sure for her too. She may have dementia, but she knows exactly what’s going on around her. I’ve had talks with Josie where I’d say that sometimes people tend to forget that Mom knows what’s going on even if she can’t communicate sometimes.

Mom can say things, especially if she’s in pain or if she’s hungry. Alot of times, I’ll look into her eyes and I can see in them: worry, curiosity, pain,etc. But then I think it’s easy for me to see that because it’s Mom. I know Mom. It’s alot easier when you know the person well.

So what do I do to talk to her? I think people tend to make things more complicated than they have to be. One of the first forms of communication that we experience when we are babies, is touch. Touch is an important part of expressing human emotions. The touch of a hand, stroke of a finger are more than enough to get a message across to someone. I’ll look at mom, maintain eye contact with her and hold her hand. I’ll rub her back and I’ll talk to her and tell her how my day went and ask her how she’s doing. She’ll say, “I’m fine”. I’ll continue with my conversation and I’ll ask her questions. She might not answer me the first time, but she usually does the 2nd or 3rd time. Now, I don’t suggest that you nag your parent to death. But sometimes, you have to coax them along and give them time to answer.

If your parent doesn’t speak at all, it still does not mean that you should ignore them or not think that there is absolutely no way to communicate. There are ways, you just have to find them. Play music, sing a song, draw a picture even.  Something that shows expression is a good way to communicate. Mine was just finding something to talk to mom about, whether it be the show we’re watching, how she’s feeling, what I’m doing , what my daughter is learning at preschool. Just remember, that your #1 goal is to get that message across no matter what method.

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