Well, it’s been almost a month since I’ve posted because I’ve been swamped with many “To-Do’s” along with Josie in assisting with our parents’ needs. Every week, we’ve had to alternate our days with Josie spending most of her time staying at our parents’ home. Our dad has been recovering quite nicely to the amazement of the therapists and nurses that have come by to check on him. I think that all the prayers and our dad’s own will to survive something like that has really been extraordinary. He’s still in a long recovery process, and we still have to get another Xray to check on his pneumonia but so far so good. But, we still have the challenge of having someone around to help out on the weekends. With their financial situation, and ours, it’s something we’re trying to figure out in terms of hiring extra help, if we can even hire extra help!

Home Sweet Home

Josie has sacrificed alot of her time as our other sister has on the weekends. I’ve tried to help out as much as I could, but with a 2 going on 3 year old toddler and a husband that works various hours in the healthcare field, it’s hard! Sometimes, it’s infuriating when all eyes are turned on just the girls in the family, but I know that this happens in many other families that are going through the same experience as we are.  And, in many ways, we are blessed that there are 3 of us! I can’t imagine going through this if I were the only child as my Godmother was when she cared for her ailing mother and worked 40 hour work weeks on top of that. 

Josie has been able to go home for part of the week, leaving the care to our caregiver Cristina. We wanted to make sure that she wasn’t getting too burned out caring for both of our parents now that Dad needs more assistance. But still we have to be there almost every day because Dad looks for us. 

Progress, then Regress

This last weekend, we had another scare that popped  up. After weeks of continual improvement, Dad all of a sudden started hallucinating pretty badly thursday night and onto friday. He was pulling out his oxygen tubes, he was anxious all night long and didn’t sleep. Friday morning, he started eating wrong again. He was slurping up his oatmeal, not taking his time. Josie started to worry about him aspirating his food again, so she took it away. She called me up and expressed her concern with his situation. She was stressed out because she wasn’t sure if it had been caregiver error or something related to his condition. 

To take a step back, I have to explain my sister. She like me, is very meticulous about the way she wants things done. I wouldn’t say that she was anal about everything, but she likes to have an established system where few errors can happen. I credit her for the majority of our dad’s recovery so far. But because of his sudden change in mood, she thought that perhaps her leaving him alone for a few days without her put him at risk. Ah my sister, the constant worrier. Well, she had reason to on Friday because he was seeing people, he was thinking that something was on him, and then he tried to get out of his lazy boy and fell to the ground. She called me and asked if she should just go ahead and take him to the ER. I told her to go ahead and call 911 and have the ambulance pick him up. After all, we didn’t know if this could’ve been a stroke. He was doing something similar when he suffered his stroke 9 years ago. 

Hospital Visit Again

So here we were again at the ER, another possible repeat of February when Dad went in the first time for severe pneumonia. Only this time, things seemed to flow much smoother and faster. The doctor ordered an Xray, blood test and CT scan. Each was done within the hour or less  of each other. Usually ,we’re waiting forever. Lo and behold, everything came back fine other than the fluid overload that was already diagnosed by his primary doctor. They could find no reason to keep him so they decided to send him home. 

An Almost Tragedy

Given the positive prognosis, a tragedy almost occurred when Josie was bringing him back home in the car. Dad tried to open the car door while she was driving on the freeway going 7o miles and hour! He took off his seatbelt and tried to get out of the car. She was talking on the phone to my husband when this happened and screamed, “Oh my God, what are you doing?” He told her he was hot and wanted to get fresh air. She grabbed him by the arm and held on to him as she tried to exit off of the freeway. Luckily, other motorists let her pull over. Boy, had our dad gotten out of the car, surely, he and my sister would’ve been killed. Hallucinating or not, Josie angrily told him not to do that again. But minutes later as she drove back onto the freeway, he took his seatbelt off again and so this time, she pressed the childlocks and kept a tight grip on his arm. It’s a good thing she has automatic shift and not manual in her car, can you imagine?

At home and all Ok

It was weird, because of that fiasco, Dad was all fine again! Now ,it’s almost a week later and he’s doing just fine. We’re waiting for his follow-up visit with his doctor in another week to see how the fluid is draining. We’re making sure that he doesn’t aspirate his food again and keep his airways clear with his breathing treatments and inhalers. So far so good. Let’s hope this weekend goes by smoothly.

We brought Dad home on Sunday. Let me tell you, everyday has been a rollercoaster. Poor Josie hasn’t even been home yet. This will be her 2nd going on 3rd week by his side. She has had the opportunity to go home 2 nights during the entire ordeal, but mostly just to take a shower, a short nap and back to the hospital again. Our other sister has also taken a lot of her time to devote to his care. I try to help as much as I can. Tugging around a 2 year old isn’t easy when you have to play caregiver to your parents. With my husband’s hectic schedule at the hospital (his shifts change every week), it’s almost impossible to get him available for our daughter.  In fact, I’m going to be spending all day tomorrow and all day Saturday at my parent’s house with the little one. Josie will take over the night shift and our other sister is watching our mom while our caregiver is off.

  An Exhausting Return

Poor Dad was all beat up from his hospital stay. In fact, he looked so bad when the ambulance dropped him home last Sunday that I was worried we’d need to take him back to the ER. He was so lethargic the next few days that Josie had a hard time feeding him. Every other day he’d be up and down. One day he’d be lethargic, the next, alert. Josie has gotten maybe 2-3 hours of sleep every night. He also had a string of home care nurses and therapists come by to see him. For the next month he will be undergoing therapy and rehabilitation while he is in recovery. He still has pneumonia and his situation is still very volatile. 

Not a Pleasant Recovery

Because of Dad’s aspiration pneumonia, he was put on a strict regimen of pureed food. You can only imagine how frustrating this is for him. No wonder why he doesn’t want to eat. Everything we give him has to be mushed up and thickened with food thickener. Even water has to be thickened with this cornstarch type stuff.  The reason for this is because his swallowing reflexes are weak. The doctor suspected that he may have had silent aspiration pneumonia from inhaling the food particles. So, until a Speech Therapist tests him next week, he’s going to be stuck with baby food and blended food. I felt bad because the other day he told me he wanted to eat a hamburger. 

More Stress Ahead

We have alot on our plate now. We have severe challenges ahead: physically and financially. Before, Dad was so independent. We only needed a caregiver for Mom. Now, we need another caregiver for Dad. The problem is, we’re like every other middle class family in America, we can’t afford it! Our parents have almost spent down their entire  assets that we think they can qualify for Medicaid. But, the whole process can take months. How are we going to get someone to watch him? We’re asking ourselves the same questions again like we did for mom. It’s one thing when you have one parent with special needs, but now we’re talking about two people with disabilities that need one on one care. 

It’s a burden that unfortunately, some of our other siblings do not understand and are not experiencing. So the burden is placed on us to come up with viable solutions and just fill them in when we can and hopefully they can step up to the plate with any help. I’m really trying not to blow a fuse and go crazy because of these challenges. Yet, we owe it to our parents to provide the best care for their needs. Despite what experts have told me in the past, assisted living and/or nursing homes are out of the question. Been there done that.

I remember them telling us, “Oh you just need to give it a chance, they’ll get used to it.” I’m sorry, they could never get used to it. But with every choice you make, there’s a potential consequence, and so here we are struggling to find a solution to this new problem. 

Anyway, I will post a picture of my dad this weekend . I’ll post another update in a few days.